


We're Not Friends

by taeyongseo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Coming Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 16:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20727362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyongseo/pseuds/taeyongseo
Summary: Dejun keeps pretending to be his boyfriend, and Kunhang just doesn't understand why.





	We're Not Friends

**Author's Note:**

> How many pretend boyfriend AUs can I write until someone calls me out on my bullshit? It shall matter not because Xiaodery is here to save the day! TW for a small dub-con moment (not between the main characters) in the first scene and a warning for emetophobia. Title taken from 'Friends' by Ed Sheeran. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of complete fiction. This work does not reflect upon the real life people mentioned in this fictional story, and the non-fictive people named are not affiliated with this story in any way. The story and its characters belong to me. Do not repost anywhere and do not print/distribute.

**#1**

The first time it happened, Kunhang was at an underground gay club. And like pretty much every other uncomfortable, definitely embarrassing situation in Kunhang’s life, it was Ten’s fault.

“Listen to me, Henny baby, you need another shot!”

Ten pulled him backwards against his chest, thrusting a fluorescent drink into Kunhang’s face. Kunhang took it. Partially because he knew it was the only response that would coax Ten into letting him go, partially because — despite the deafening Lady Gaga that’s blasting from the speakers — he was maybe, kinda _digging_ this whole going clubbing with Ten thing. The dance floor was filled to the brim with bodies eager to move with his and the neon paint on everybody’s faces made it fun. So, Kunhang was enjoying himself. Just a little bit. The alcohol was definitely helping his case. He made it through two more shots and a cocktail before his bladder made him stray from Ten’s ever-loving arms.

“Toilet break!” he bellowed over the pounding music and Ten gives him a thumbs up.

Then he switched from thumb to index finger, pointing Kunhang into the direction of the toilets. Kunhang made it into the bathroom a spare second before his bladder burst. He was proud to say that his aim was accurate as always, despite his definitely intoxicated state. Kunhang fumbled with his zipper for a good five minute afterwards, but eventually he managed that, too. He was doing great. On his way out of the bathroom stall, his body collided with another.

“Whoops, sorry!” Kunhang stumbled back, his shoulder blades hitting the door of the stall.

“Oh, I’m not,” came the smooth reply.

Kunhang frowned and looked the guy up and down. He was older than Kunhang. _Too old to be hanging around a campus club,_ his brain supplied. The guy rested his arm on the bit of door next to Kunhang’s face. His breath smelled like alcohol and cigarettes as he leaned in. He was drunk, that was about the only excuse Kunhang could adjudge the guy when his hand curled around Kunhang’s chin a moment later.

“How you doin’?” the man slurred into his ear and Kunhang knew he should have shoved him off, but his limbs wouldn’t comply.

“Good,” Kunhang tried it the polite way, desperate to swallow down the panic rising in his throat. 

It was then that the door to the bathrooms opened again and Kunhang thought for a moment that the familiar figure that walked in was too good to be true.

He blinked, but when he reopened his eyes Xiao Dejun was still entering the bathroom like Kunhang’s own personal Jesus clad in skinny jeans and red sweatbands, blacklight paint covering his face in a multitude of colours.

Kunhang was so happy to see a familiar face he might’ve started to cry out of relief. And of course, he and Dejun weren’t really friends, they were friends because their friends were friends and Dejun once drove him home after Kunhang lost his keys and sobriety at one of the rush events Yukhei had dragged him to last year. But Dejun’s familiarity put an immediate relief to the stranger’s creepiness and Kunhang thanked all the gods he knew when he saw Dejun recognise him, saw Dejun’s expression darken at the panic he knew must’ve shown on his face.

Dejun’s stride became considerably more staggering as he approached them and like that he hip-checked the stranger out of the way. Dejun wound his arms tightly around Kunhang ’s neck, pulling him into a side-hug. Without hesitation, Kunhang clung to him. He wrapped his arms around Dejun’s waist and squeezed what he couldn’t say. _Please, don’t leave me alone with this creep._

Dejun seemed to get the message nonetheless, because he drawled out a “Babe, there you are! I was out there looking for you. C’mon, let’s get out of this place.”

And like that, he had his hand around Kunhang’s upper arm and was guiding him out of the bathroom. Kunhang willingly stumbled after him. He tried to watch his feet, bumping into as little people as possible as Dejun steered him through the club. His heart was pounding so loudly in his ears he couldn’t hear the music anymore.

Kunhang didn’t realise where they were headed until they were already outside, the cold night’s air stinging against his cheeks.

“Are you alright?” Dejun asked as soon as the emergency exit door had fallen shut behind them and all Kunhang could do was nod. Now that he was out of danger, he felt nauseous. Way too nauseous.

Kunhang just so managed to turn away before he was hurling against the back wall of the club. To his surprise, he felt Dejun’s arms snaking around his waist a second later, holding him upright while Kunhang threw up fluorescent splashes of alcohol. 

“Damn.” Kunhang could feel Dejun’s breath against the crown of his head. “Are you alright, Kunhang?”

“I forgot to wash my hands after I peed,” Kunhang confessed before he craned his neck to meet Dejun’s eyes. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” The look in Dejun’s eyes was more concerned than disgusted, which made Kunhang feel minimally better. 

He wanted to hug the other boy. He should’ve stopped throwing up first, though. Feeling his stomach lurch again, Kunhang quickly turned back to the wall. It took another couple of minutes until his heaving turned into dry heaving turned into hiccups and when Kunhang thought that he might be able to stand on his own again, he told Dejun this.

“That’s good. I’m just gonna keep my arm around your waist for some extra support, is that okay?”

“Super duper okay,” Kunhang said. He should’ve felt better now that he had thrown up, but he still felt like shit. Very shaky shit. His whole body was quivering.

“Where do you live?”

Kunhang recited his address. 

“Okay, your flat’s closer than mine, so I’m taking you home. Do you remember your pass key number?”

Kunhang rattled that off, too. 

Dejun repeated it back to him and when Kunhang nodded, he told Kunhang that he was proud of him for remembering. 

Kunhang didn’t manage more than a drunken grin in response before Dejun got them going again. The walk home was a mixture of squinting against the street lights overhead and Dejun’s calm voice encouraging him to “just walk a little further, there you go, we’re almost there.”

“Home,” Kunhang announced when they arrived in front of his building. 

“We made it,” Dejun confirmed. 

The stairs up to the third floor were a whole other affair, but eventually they managed those, too. Kunhang’s eyes were drooping close by the time they made it to his floor. 

“Which door?”

Kunhang fell against it. Dejun caught him before he could slide to the ground.

“Oh, no, not yet. What was your combination again?” 

Kunhang mumbled out the numbers and Dejun tapped them into the keypad. Kunhang smiled at the familiar noise of the door unlocking, smiled even wider when Dejun slung his arm around his waist again. 

“See, there you go.”

Dejun let him down onto the bed gently and Kunhang grabbed his arm as soon as Dejun had thrown the duvet over his collapsed form. Faintly, he noticed how he could wrap his entire hand around Dejun’s wrist. 

“Thank you.” Kunhang’s eyes wouldn’t focus properly, but he still managed to meet Dejun’s gaze in the dark of his room.

“No problem, Kunhang.” Dejun’s eyes were sparkling, always sparkling with amusement, despite the low lighting. Dejun patted the hand Kunhang was circling his wrist with. “You sleep now.”

Kunhang barely registered Dejun leaving his room. There was a bit of a commotion when the front door opened and Kunhang could hear Ten belting Born This Way off the top of his lungs. A moment later, Dejun’s shushing voice silenced him. Kunhang made a mental note to thank Dejun for that, among all the other things he had to thank Dejun for tonight.

Outside the door, Kunhang thought he could hear Dejun chew Ten out for leaving Kunhang alone at the club, but that might as well have been be the alcohol coursing through Kunhang ’s body, making his head spin Dejun as he was lying down. He’d fallen asleep before he managed to rest one foot on the ground.

The next morning, Kunhang woke up to a mouth dry as cotton and the headache of the century. There was an arm thrown over his waist and Kunhang couldn’t help the disappointment in his gut when he realised that it was Ten.

“Get off me,” Kunhang grumbled, but truthfully he was down for hangover cuddles. He just had to chug a couple litres of water first. On his way to the bathroom, he stepped onto his phone. Cursing, he picked it up, inspecting it for any cracks before unlocking his screen. There were three text messages waiting for him. Two were from Ten:

Ten, 03:02 a.m.:  
**Kunhang BABY WHR RU???**

Ten, 03:14 a.m.:  
**NVM Dejun texted me that he ran into u and tht he’s taking u home do everything I would do K ?**

Kunhang exited the chat with an eyeroll. He heart lurched in his throat when he saw that the other text message was from Dejun:

Xiao Dejun (Kun’s bro), 5:37 a.m.:  
**Hey, Kunhang. Just making sure that you’re still alive. You were pretty gone yesterday, so I hope your head isn’t killing you too much right now. Drink some water! ****❤️**** Dejun**

Kunhang read the text thrice before he pressed his thumb against the heart on his phone screen. Something warm and unfamiliar made his stomach feel fuzzy. Frowning, Kunhang tried to type out a reply, but his head was pounding too much for any coherent sentences to come out. Postponing the reply, Kunhang pocketed his phone and continued his way to the bathroom.

It wasn’t until he was back in bed with Ten, halfway through their upteenth rewatch of Pride and Prejudice, that he shifted uncomfortably. He squirmed around until Ten told him to just go poop already and Kunhang sat up to find that there was a cherry red sweatband on his mattress, looking exactly like the ones Dejun had been wearing around his wrists. He snatches it up before Ten could ask any questions and stuffed it into the drawer of his bedside table. By the time Monday rolled around and Dejun joined them for lunch after Yukhei had waved him over, Kunhang had forgotten all about it.

**#2**

The second time it happened, Kunhang was sitting in the train home. This time, he was expecting Dejun. They took the same train home and most of the time they did so in companionable silence. Kunhang would play games on his phone while Dejun would listen to music, bopping along to the music bleeding from his headphones. 

But ever since Dejun had rescued him that night at the club, they had been texting and they talked whenever the opportunity arises. Kunhang liked to think of them as real friends now, not just friends of convenience. So Kunhang was beyond relieved when he saw Dejun enter his train car a stop away from campus. Dejun liked to walk to a nearby kiosk and get some candy before he went home, Kunhang knew as much about him by now. Dejun nodded at him in greeting when he spotted Kunhang , but stopped short when he saw Tzuyu sitting next to him and Kunhang watched realisation flicker in his friend’s eyes.

“So, how are you?” Tzuyu asked in the meantime, causing Kunhang to focus his attention back on her.

It was not that Kunhang disliked her. Tzuyu was one of the most popular girls of their year and she was nice enough, but Kunhang had never gotten over the initial awkwardness he had developed towards her when they had been forced to share a kiss during a game of spin the bottle freshman year. Kunhang had been told by Yukhei who had been told by Yuqi that Tzuyu had developed a crush on him afterwards and while Kunhang felt nothing of the sort for her, he still tried to be as polite as he could be to her. Even if he could feel his hands getting sweaty. 

“Good.” Inconspicuously wiping his palms on his jeans, he cleared his throat. “And you?”

“Oh, I’m fine, fine.” She leaned into him until their shoulders were pressed together. “I heard you joined the dance team?” 

Kunhang hummed. A moment later, Dejun fell into the seat opposite of them.

“Hi, guys!” he said brightly, shooting Tzuyu a brilliant smile as he leaned forward. Apart from all his usual Dejun-related emotions, Kunhang also felt a peng of jealousy. Dejun was so effortlessly gorgeous in a way that Kunhang could merely admire from afar.

“Hey,” Dejun said more lowly, just to him and if Kunhang wouldn’t have known better, he would’ve thought that Dejun’s voice sounded sultry. His eyebrows rose involuntarily when Dejun took one of his hands, intertwining their fingers. 

Dejun’s wriggled his eyebrows in response and it wasn’t until he spoke again that Kunhang finally caught on. “Are you not going to introduce me?”

“Oh. _Oh._ Right, yes.”

Tzuyu was looking slightly bemused and a lot expectantly between the two of them. Kunhang shot her his best imitation of Dejun’s thousand watt smile. “Tzuyu, this is Dejun. He’s in our year, but in the music program and uh—”

“I’m his boyfriend,” Dejun supplied helpfully and Tzuyu’s mouth fell open for a split second before she managed to shake herself out of it.

What followed were the most uncomfortable, silent eight minutes of Kunhang’s life. After a squeaked “oh, that’s great!”, Tzuyu had turned to look out of the window and Kuhang had been left to stare into Dejun’s dark eyes, illuminated by silent laughter. 

Kunhang internally did three crosses when Tzuyu’s stop came up and she waved both of them goodbye, her cheeks still bright pink. 

“You’re my saviour,” Kunhang told Dejun the moment the train doors had closed behind Tzuyu.

“I’m getting quite good at this pretending to be your boyfriend thing,” Dejun grinned. “Practice makes perfect, huh?”

“You’re aware, though, that the entire second year is going to know about this,” Kunhang nodded at where their hands were still intertwined, “by tomorrow, right?

“Eh.” Dejun let go of his hand and Kunhang couldn’t help but mourn the loss. “Let them talk. I don’t mind. Much more important is that you’re okay.”

There was a thinly veiled question in there and Kunhang smiled. “I’m okay. Thank you for saving me, again.” 

Dejun shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to be a superhero.” 

“You like supeheroes? Captain Dejun!” 

“That’s right!” 

For a moment, they just smiled at each other. When Kunhang got up for his stop, he felt Dejun following him past the grab poles to the train doors.

“See you tomorrow, boyfriend!” Dejun shouted after him once Kunhang had jumped onto the platform of his stop and Kunhang waved. He was still grinning by the time he gets home.

**#3**

The third time it happened, they were at the supermarket. It was Friday night and Kunhang had graciously offered to help Dejun carry when Dejun had said he would buy beer for Yukhei’s pregame.

“Yeah, we’re at the store now,” Kunhang assured Mark over the phone. He was holding open the fridge door while Dejun pulled two six-packs of beer off the stack.

“Hurry,” Mark told him, his voice barely audible over the loud trap hop playing in the background. Kunhang made a mental note to wrestle the AUX cord from Yukhei upon arrival. “Yukhei’s put me in charge of the snacks. I’m supposed to make popcorn, but I don’t know how long the oven has to preheat.” 

“We’ll hurry.” Kunhang laughed and hangs up.

Pushing his phone into his pocket, he took one of the six-packs from Dejun’s arms and dumped it into their shopping cart.

“Anything else?”

“Nah.” Kunhang shook his head. “I think we’re good.”

“Snacks?” Dejun asked hopefully.

Kunhang let out a dramatic sigh, but waved at Dejun to go ahead. Unless Mark figured out that the popcorn went into the microwave sooner rather than later, they’d be starving later on. “You go. I’ll get in line at the register.”

Dejun saluted before taking off.

Kunhang pushed the cart up to the tills and got in line behind an elderly lady. Judging by the content of her shopping cart, she was here to buy sixteen cans of cat food and a cabbage. As soon as she had placed a divider behind her items, Kunhang heaved the beer onto the conveyer belt. It was an hour before closing time on a Friday night, so all tills were open, packed with people eager to get a headstart into the weekend.

“Kunhang, baby!” Kunhang suddenly heard Dejun call him from the snack aisle. “Do you want Barbecue Style or Sour Cream & Onion?” 

For a brief moment, Kunhang wished the ground would open up to swallow him whole. Dejun had picked up the nickname from Ten, the first morning he had slept over after a long night of video games. Ten had been thrilled when he had found them in the kitchen during breakfast and despite Kunhang ’s best assurances that Dejun was not, in fact, his “cute boyfriend, look how soft his hair is, Kunhang, baby!”, Ten had pride-cuddled Kunhang nearly to death. 

Dejun had watched the whole ordeal with amusement, and picked up the nickname to use on Kunhang whenever he felt like making Kunhang turn red with embarrassment. Kunhang did the very same thing now as every single pair of eyes in the vicinity of the checkout area landed on him.

“Just take what you want!” he yelled back before quickly ducking his head into his shopping cart. His cheeks were still burning by the time he heard Dejun excuse his way past the people in line behind them.

It was only when Dejun started talking to him that Kunhang looked up to find the old lady in front of them staring. Kunhang quickly averted his eyes and turned towards Dejun, who was ranting on about his newest song project that he was composing with his brother Kun. 

Kunhang didn’t understand the half of it, but he was pretty content to just listen to Dejun talk, watch the way his eyes sparkled and his hands drew his ideas into the air between them. It was when Dejun took his hands in order to make Kunhang follow the note succession he had thought of that Kunhang noticed the old lady was still looking at them. Kunhang felt his heartbeat quicken and he wanted to back away from Dejun, disentangle their hands but then the old lady had already stepped closer to them.

“Excuse me,” she spoke and her voice was quiet but her gaze was strong.

Dejun stopped talking long enough to look at her and Kunhang swallowed against the lump in his throat. Rationally speaking, he knew that there was nothing she could do to them. They were in a public place and she was about a hundred years old. Still, Kunhang felt fear knot his stomach. Words bled, too.

“Yes?” Dejun asked nonchalantly.

“Are you two,” her voice dropped to a whisper, “liaised?”

Kunhang wanted to leave. He wanted to go and wrestle Yukhei for his AUX cord and forgot this ever happened. Most of all, he wanted to let go of Dejun’s hands. 

Dejun’s grip tightened for a moment and then he was letting go of Kunhang in order to throw an arm around his shoulder. “Yes, we are. This is my boyfriend Kunhang. Isn’t he handsome?”

Kunhang closed his eyes for a second before he gathered up the courage to chance a glance at the old lady. To Kunhang ’s surprise, she was smiling.

“That’s wonderful,” she said and Kunhang almost expected her to lean forward and pinch their cheeks. “Young love is always so wonderful.”

“Yeah, he is,” Dejun mused and the woman’s eyes lit up.

“Ah, look he’s blushing. Such a sweet young gentleman. Hold onto that one tightly, boy!”

“Will do!”

They both laughed and Kunhang felt dazed, as if he was watching a train go by too fast right in front of his eyes. Everything was happening so fast. Or maybe it was just his mind that was processing everything too slowly.

The old lady sighed in content and she looked like she wanted to say more, but her groceries were up for checkout so she waved at them in goodbye. Next to him, Dejun waved back before he relaxed and let go of Kunhang . 

Dejun looked so lighthearted that Kunhang felt jealous.

“That was lovely,” Dejun commented. “I’m glad we could make her night.”

He fished his phone out of his pocket and a moment later Kunhang could hear the tune of the mobile game Sicheng had gotten them all addicted to. Kunhang didn’t ask. He didn’t think about the heaviness of Dejun’s skinny arm around his shoulder. He didn’t think about the joy in Dejun’s eyes when the woman had complimented them or how Dejun had been so quick to claim him as his boyfriend in front of this stranger. Kunhang didn’t think about the pull in his chest and the want in his stomach. It was just a game. It was always just a play they put up for the world, a little white lie of convenience. Almost like an inside joke between them. Kunhang was unbothered by it.

Eventually, the queue moved forward and they paid. By the time they had made it to Yukhei’s flat, Kunhang had all but forgotten about the incident. It was only Dejun’s voice at the back of his mind, asking _Isn’t he handsome?_ over and over again that remained.

**#4**

The fourth time it happened, Kunhang asked. He found Dejun in the study hall, head bent over some books that looked like they were written in an alien language. Dejun was chewing on his pencil and Kunhang did not pay attention to the way Dejun’s lips closed around the tip of the pencil, sucking in thought.

“I’ll give you a month’s worth of McDonald’s and my left kidney if you come to dinner with my parents this Friday,” Kunhang announced as he flopped down in the seat opposite of Dejun.

Dejun looked up at him with a bemused smile, his head tilting like that of a curious puppy. Kunhang stilled, kept the determined look on his face while Dejun perused him. Finally, Dejun hummed, plucking the pencil from between his teeth and leaning forward.

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch,” Kunhang lied, and was quick to elaborate. “I mean, not really. Thing is, I... I kind of maybe thought about telling them about me.” Kunhang squeezed the snapback in his hands. “Uh, me being gay that is. I just—”

“I’m in,” Dejun cut him short before Kunhang could ramble on.

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah.” Dejun grinned as he kicked back his chair so that he was balancing on two legs. He crossed his arms behind his head. “A free meal is a free meal.”

“Is it also a free meal if you have it pretending to be my boyfriend…kinda…again?”

At that, Dejun’s eyebrows lifted.

“It’s just that,” Kunhang hastily added, “I’m scared that my parents won’t believe me if I don’t bring any...proof. I know that sounds terrible, but they’re my parents and it would… it would be nice to have you there.”

Kunhang watched as a slow, gentle smile made the corners of Dejun’s mouth curl upwards.

“Of course,” Dejun said and Kunhang thought that he looked ethereal in the shitty neon light of the library. “I’ll be the best proof to have ever been proven! The best proof your parents have ever laid eyes upon!”

Kunhang laughed because it was the only relief he could think of for all the bubbling energy inside his chest. “Thanks, thank you so much!”

Dejun winked at him, the way he did with both eyes and that certain spark in them that always made Kunhang feel dazzled. Then he turned back to his sheet music. 

Kunhang left him be. Dejun was already redoing his final year, he didn’t need Kunhang to distract him any further. So Kunhang went home and called his dad to tell him that he was bringing someone to their family dinner.

The rest of the week passed in a haze of Ten trying to get him to join him in his newfound kale diet and library sessions with Yukheit in preparation of their first round of exams. Kunhang and Dejun didn’t talk until Friday. In fact, Kunhang tried to reach Dejun several times, but Dejun never answered him. He didn’t seem to be on campus either and whenever Kunhang tried to call him he got redirected to voicemail. 

Kunhang wasn’t worried about him per se. It was pre-exam season, so it wouldn’t have been unreasonable for Dejun to fall off the face of the earth for a couple of days. Kunhang was sure he would reappear just as dandy as ever, as long as it was in time for dinner with his parents. 

It wasn’t until Kunhang was standing in front of his parent’s house with no Dejun in sight that he started to seriously worry. In the one text of Kunhang’s that he had answered, Dejun had reassured him that he would show, though, so Kunhang trusted that and rung the doorbell.

His mother squeezed him tightly when he walked into the kitchen and Kunhang focussed on basking in his parents’ attention. He checked his phone while his parents placed the food on the table and swallowed down the lump in his throat when he found his notification board empty.

“Phone away, son,” his father reprimanded him and Kunhang pushed his phone into his pocket. It was not like it was of any use to him at the moment anyways.

“Smells good, dear,” his father complimented his mother. 

Kunhang’s mother smiled at her husband, asking him after his day and Kunhang tried to follow the conversation as best as he could without turning his head in the direction of the door every few seconds. He was next up on his mother’s inquiry schedule. He gracefully dodged all questions about school with practised ambiguity.

“That’s nice to know you like your classes so much. How’s Yukhei? And speaking of friends, didn’t you want to bring one of yours?”

Kunhang felt his heart seize with unease, but he plastered a smile onto his face and shrugged, “Yeah, he—”

Before he got to finish, the doorbell rang.

“Oh, that must be him!”

His mother was up before Kunhang could stop her and he listened anxiously as she opened the front door. Though he didn’t understand what was said, he could make out Dejun’s voice, followed by his mother’s laughter. In an instant, Kunhang felt his shoulders relax. He had come.

Dejun was smiling when he walked into the room behind Kunhang’s mother. Kunhang scrutinised him upon entry, but found that he looked unexpectedly… normal. Exactly like the last time Kunhang had seen him. Dejun’s smile was as easy as ever and he shot Kunhang a wink before he focussed back on Kunhang ’s mother, who was fussing over him already, having peeled off two of his five layers of clothing already.

“We were just about to start dinner,” his father intervened. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you to, Sir.” Dejun shook the hand Kunhang 's father proffered. “I'm Xiao Dejun.”

“Dejun, it's so wonderful to meet Kunhang's new friend.”

His mother rambled on as she began to heap food onto Dejun's plate and Kunhang watched Dejun engage her over the brim of his glass. Dejun was nothing less than perfect with his parents, filling every lull in conversation with funny anecdotes. It was almost fascinating, how easily he wrapped them around his finger. Maybe Kunhang would’ve been jealous about the way his parents looked at Dejun if he hadn't felt the exact same way.

Dejun leaned into him as soon as Kunhang's parents disappear into the kitchen to get dessert. “Sorry. My cousin’s staying with my brother and I for the week and he’s been positively driving Kun insane. I had to play mediator before I could come here.” 

“It’s okay,” Kunhang murmured back and he tried hard not to think about the consoling hand Dejun had placed on his thigh. “I'm just glad you're here.”

Dejun shook his head. “I promised, of course I’m here. Do you plan to tell them now?”

Kunhang nodded and thought, “fuck it” before he grabbed the hand that was still resting on his thigh. 

Dejun began talking as soon as his parents were back, thanking them for the dinner and complimenting the dessert. He left an opening, and Kunhang seized it. 

“Mum, dad?”

His father looked up from his dessert.“Yes, son?”

Kunhang felt his heart pound against his rib cage. He looked both his parents in the eye, and the words were there, lying on his tongue, but his mouth wouldn't open. He thought he might die of a heart attack when he felt the pressure of fingertips against his palm. Dejun was squeezing his hand in encouragement and Kunhang heaved in a breath.

“I'm gay,” he blurted out without any further preamble.

“I'm his boyfriend,” Dejun added not a second later, his voice as calm as ever and Kunhang watched his father's eyebrows rise to unknown heights.

It was his mother that spoke first, “That's very lovely, Kunhang .”

Kunhang blinked. He looked to his father whose expression was just as solemn as his mother's.

“I agree,” his father said. He cleared his throat. “You're happy, yeah?”

“Yes,” Kunhang lied easily. He felt a smile pull up the corners of his mouth. “We're very, very happy.”

Between them, Dejun lifted their intertwined hands and placed them openly on the dinner table.

“Good.” His father's smile was content. “Then I think I can spare you, Dejun, the stern talking to. Just know that it happened, in my mind.”

“Of course, Sir.” Dejun grinned. “I intend to take good care of your son.”

It was then that Kunhang couldn't take it anymore. He got to his father first, his mother joining in their hug a moment later. Kunhang felt tears prick on the corner of his eyes, but he wiped them away quickly. He didn't want to make his mother cry.

“I love you, Kunhang. I've always loved you and I always will.” His mother pressed a kiss against his temple and his father nodded, patting his shoulder. “We love you. Thank you for telling us.”

Feeling as light as air, Kunhang disentangled himself from their embrace. “I love you, too.”

He wiped his nose and turned to Dejun, who had moved in the direction of the door. Beaming at him, Dejun wiggled his eyebrows and Kunhang nodded. 

“We're gonna go up to my room for a bit,” Kunhang told his parents and they waved him off with the promise to take care of the dishes.

Though his father called after them, “No funny business!” 

As soon as they had rounded the corner, Kunhang tackled Dejun into a hug, a mad giggle bubbling up his throat. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Kunhang hugged him until Dejun patted his back. He took Dejun's hand and pulled him up the stairs. Kunhang felt his cheeks heat up as soon as he opened the door to his old room. He hadn’t been in there for over a year and right now he desperately wished fifteen year-old him hadn’t been so zealous about printing out memes and plastering them onto his wall. Also, there was a poster of Henry. Kunhang elegantly moved himself in front of it as he turned around.

He expected Dejun to inspect his room with curiosity, maybe tease him a bit for his Superman bed sheets. What he found instead was Dejun propped against the door, his eyes closed as he slowly pulled his hoodie over his head.

“Dejun?” Kunhang asked, confused.

It took almost twenty seconds until Dejun opened his eyes in response. Kunhang’s stomach dropped. Dejun’s eyes were shining with tears. His movements looked shaky as he kicked off his shoes, pushed down his jeans until he was standing there in only boxers and a white t-shirt.

“Can we lay down for a bit?” he asked. 

He collapsed onto Kunhang 's bed before Kunhang had a chance to answer. After that, Dejun didn't move any further except to curl in on itself like a wounded animal. For a moment, Kunhang was unsure what to do. Watching Dejun's facade crumble like that, realising that it was a facade in the first place, all the perfect smiles and enthusiastic story-tellings he had seen tonight, it left Kunhang with a queasy stomach. Dejun hadn’t been happy at all and Kunhang didn’t know why. He wondered, why Dejun had come to Kunhang’s house if it seemed to hurt him. He wondered why Dejun had said yes. In the end, Kunhang slowly toed off his shoes and joined Dejun on the bed. Dejun blinked at him when he did, his face half-hidden behind one hand and Kunhang felt his heart seize. 

“What’s wrong?” the question burned on his tongue, burned on his soul. “Why are you crying?” 

Dejun smiled at him, and for a moment he looked happy even despite the tears running down his cheeks. He grasped onto Kunhang’s hands, squeezing them tightly. “You’ve got really great parents, Kunhang.” 

Kunhang nodded because he did, but that didn’t answer his question. Still, he felt a small, giddy smile take over his face. “They did, didn’t they? God, I was so scared they’d oust me.” 

Dejun’s expression pinched at that, his eyebrows drawing together as if Kunhang had plunged a knife into his stomach and too late Kunhang realised that he had. Realisation hit him like a freight train and it made him gasp, his grip on Dejun’s hands tightening involuntarily. 

“No,” he said and felt his own eyes sting. He couldn’t imagine it, someone being this unkind to Dejun, who was the closest thing to an angel Kunhang had ever encountered. Not his parents. “No, tell me your parents took it well when you told them. Dejun!” 

Dejun shrugged, but the lack of colour on his face was answer enough. 

“I have Kun,” he said and Kunhang felt angry. Angry at the world. Angry at himself for asking Dejun to come in the first place. 

“I’m sorry,” he said miserably. “I shouldn’t have asked you to come.”

Dejun sat up to shake his head. “No, I wanted to be here.” The look in his eyes was urgent. “I wanted to be there for you.” His voice softened. “Thank you for allowing me to be here.” 

Kunhang tugged him down and pressed the back of his head into his pillow until Dejun instinctively mimicked him. Willing himself to be brave another time this night, Kunhang cupped Dejun’s cheeks with his hands. “You’re, like, my favourite person, you know that, right?” 

Dejun’s eyes widened. 

“I mean it,” Kunhang added. “Don’t let Yukhei hear, though.” 

That coaxed a laugh out of Dejun and Kunhang grinned with how accomplished he felt. 

“Thank you, Kunhang,” Dejun smiled at him, his eyes red-rimmed but brighter than before. He curled into Kunhang’s side, his cheek coming to rest against Kunhang’s shoulder blade as his eyelids fluttered shut. “You’re a good friend.” 

Kunhang’s smile froze on his face and he was glad that Dejun was all but asleep on him already. It hurt like a hand seizing around his heart, that one, stupid word. _Friend._

_That’s not what we are,_ Kunhang wanted to say, _that’s not what I want us to be._ But Dejun had done so much for him already and he couldn’t ask for more. Wouldn’t. 

Instead, he circled his arms around Dejun’s waist and let him sleep. He would take what he could get. 

**#5**

The fifth time it happened, Kunhang was standing in the kitchen of Yukhei’s apartment, staring at the array of bottles in front of him. Truthfully, Kunhang wanted soda more than anything, but there was a couple making out against the fridge and he’d rather not get in between that. So he resigned himself to his fate, grabbed a red solo cup from the stack and steered clear of the cooler of lean someone had brought. 

He ended up with beer in his cup, leaving the kitchen when more people entered. He’d arrived with Sicheng originally, but Sicheng had abandoned him to talk about anime with the Japanese exchange student Ten had brought and Kunhang didn’t want to get in between _that_ either. So he walked into the living room just to be bumped into by a skinny kid with fluffy hair and a razor-sharp smile. 

“Hi,” the boy bounced on his feet and Kunhang wondered whether he had taken something or that was just how he was. “I’m Yangyang. Sorry about running into you. Who are you?” 

Kunhang was taken aback by the question, most of the people at Yukhei’s parties knew him or at least knew him as Yukhei’s best friend, so it had been a long time since he had been asked that question. “I’m Kunhang.” 

He wasn’t prepared for the way Yangyang’s face lit up at that. “Oh! You’re Kunhang? Like Dejun’s—” 

“Yangyang!” they were interrupted by a stern voice and Kunhang felt strangely relieved when Kun appeared by their side not a moment later. Something about the way Yangyang was smiling at him made Kunhang nervous. “I told you you can come only when you don’t leave my side!” 

“And watch you lust after the number guy?” Yangyang scrunched up his nose. “I don’t think so. Old people in love are gross!”

Kun spluttered, his eyes darting over to Kunhang before he grabbed the younger boy by the ear and dragged him away. “You can’t just say that, Yangyang! Especially not when other people are around!”

“Why?” Kunhang didn’t have to be able to see Yangyang’s face to know that the boy was smirking. “Afraid number guy might overhear?”

“His name is Ten and it’s none of your business. You’re such a menace, I swear to god, I’m sending you back to your mother!”

Kunhang lightly shook his head, wondering what exactly Yangyang had been planning to say about Dejun as he made his way further into the living room. He smiled when he caught Yukhei waving at him and made his way over to the couch his best friend was lounging on. There were people sitting in a circle around the coffee table and Kunhang’s heart skipped a beat when he saw that Dejun was one of them. He was so busy trying not trip over his own feet that he didn’t see the empty bottle in the middle of the coffee table until Yukhei had already pulled him down to sit next to him on the couch.

“Kunhangie,” Yukhei cheered into his ear.

Kunhang tried hard not to spill any of his drink as he winced at the sheer volume. “Hey, Hei.”

“That’s funny,” one of the girls sitting in the circle giggled. “It sounded like you just said hello twice.”

Kunhang grinned at her. “Who knows? Maybe I did.”

The girl was giggling again, taking a sip from the cup her friend handed her and Kunhang was about to raise his own when, suddenly, Yukhei was shaking him by the shoulders, singing into his ear “Oh, Kunhang!”

Kunhang blinked at him in confusion before he followed Yukhei’s gaze to the middle of the coffee table. It was empty safe for the bottle Kunhang hadn’t noticed before, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out what had gotten Yukhei so excited.

“You have to kiss Jungwoo now,” Yukhei grinned and Kunhang met eyes with the boy in question, whose cheeks were pink as he shrugged and raised himself up on his knees so he could reach over the coffee table.

Kunhang was so stunned he was about to lean forward as well when there was a sharp voice cutting over the music, effectively killing all the chatter of the circle. “No!”

Kunhang wasn’t the only one who looked around in confusion until his eyes fell onto Dejun, who had raised himself to his knees as well. His arms came up to cross in front of his chest and his expression was unreadable as he stared directly in Kunhang’s eyes.

Yukhei frowned. “But that’s the game, Dejun.”

Dejun’s fingers danced over the seam of his sweater before he curled his hands into fists.

“No,” he repeated, and then, “Kunhang is my boyfriend. I’m not cool with it if he kisses someone else.”

Kunhang felt his eyes grow wide just as the rest of the circle turned to stare at him. He could only look at Dejun, though, who was pushing himself to his feet. He was gone quicker than Kunhang could follow him with his eyes.

“What?” he wanted to ask, but then it set in what Dejun had said, had _announced_ to everyone at the party. His heart began to beat rapidly in his chest, and he was pretty sure his mouth was hanging open. Yukhei closed it for him.

“You better go after him, bro,” Mark supplied from Yukhei’s other side. “He looked, like, actually mad.”

Kunhang placed his cup on the table, ignoring the slight quiver to his hand before he raised himself to his feet. He felt lost, confused about whatever had just happened, but whatever Dejun’s deal was, he couldn’t stand the thought of the other boy being mad at him.

“I’ll be right back,” he told no one in particular and was glad when everyone scooted to allow him a pathway towards the crowd in which Dejun had disappeared.

Whatever it was that had just happened, Kunhang had to make it right.

**+1**

It was cold out on the balcony, a shiver running down Kunhang’s spine as he stepped into the cool night’s air, but he couldn’t quite find it in himself to care. Dejun was beautiful against the back drop of the city and there was nowhere else Kunhang would have rather been.

Dejun didn’t say anything when Kunhang joined him at the railing, but he didn’t run away again either and Kunhang took that as a good sign. There was no reason to beat around the bush and so Kunhang didn’t.

“Dejun,” he said and didn’t wait until Dejun had acknowledged him. “Why did you say that?”

For a moment, it looked like Dejun wasn’t going to answer, but then he shot Kunhang a small, tight-lipped smile. “Say what?”

And that was the first time Kunhang felt something akin to anger at the other boy. “Don’t take me for a fool! You just told basically everyone we know that we’re dating!”

“So?” Dejun shrugged and Kunhang didn’t like how exhausted Dejun looked, how empty his eyes seemed to be. “I tell people that all the time. It’s never bothered you before.”

“That’s not the same!”

“Is it not?” Dejun raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him and then there was a spark filling the void in his eyes and suddenly Dejun seemed to be angry. “Tell me, is it so terrible? The thought of dating me? Are you ashamed of our friends thinking even just for one night that there is a universe in which you like me back?”

“What? Dejun, where is this coming from? Of course, I’m not ashamed, I—wait—what? Like you _back?_ You like me?”

Dejun hastily turned his head, his cheeks burning as he looked back at the city crawling below them, avoided Kunhang’s gaze.

Kunhang couldn’t let him. “You want to be with me?”

“Kunhang.” Dejun's smile was so bright it battled the city lights for their shine and Kunhang hated how pained he sounded. “You're so incredibly thick.”

“You like me,” Kunhang mumbled. This time, it was not a question.

“Of course,” Dejun said, admitted as if it was nothing, as if it was obvious and Kunhang thought he might faint when Dejun smiled at him. “How many times do I have to grab your hand or proclaim that I'm your boyfriend in front of other people for you to get the hint?”

“I—I mean—I didn't realise.”

Dejun cuts him off with a long-suffering sigh. “I know. I know you didn't realise. Brought me many sleepless nights, that one.”

“But why?” Kunhang couldn't help but ask and it hurt, the bare truth of his words. Because the bare truth was that there was nothing special to Kunhang. Nothing that should have made someone like Dejun like him as more than a friend.

Dejun liked him as more than a friend. Kunhang choked on his own thought.

Dejun's answer came without hesitation and the sheer force of it nearly sent Kunhang right into cardiac arrest. “Because I'm in love with you, Kunhang. I’ve been in love with you for quite some time. You're special. In the best way,” he added before Kunhang could panic. “It’s like every good thing that happens to me, I want to tell you about it first. When you’re not there, I check my phone every three minutes to see if you’ve texted me and it used to be fine because we weren’t friends before, you were always with Yukhei and I could pretend that my ugly crush on you would go away on its own. But then I found you at that club and you kept talking to me afterwards and, fuck, you asked me to meet your parents because you thought I was good enough for that.”

“My mum's gonna be so damn happy,” Kunhang muttered.

“You’re really easy to fall in love with, Kunhang, and I did.” Dejun shrugged. “I’m sorry, but I did.”

He bit his lip once he had stopped speaking, looking small in his over-sized sweater with the light falling onto the balcony painting shadows into the hollow of his cheekbones and it was almost disconcerting, how abruptly Kunhang’s heart stopped hammering.

He had expected himself to stumble, stutter and fumble for an answer, but he didn’t. He felt calm. A smile tugged on his lips, and for what seemed to be the first time since he met Dejun, he didn’t stumble over his own words when he said, “Dejun, for the smartest person I know, you’re really dumb.”

Dejun’s eyes widened, with shock and with hope and Kuhang leaned in. He did it slowly, giving Dejun time to back out. When Dejun didn’t, Kunhang clasped his hands around Dejun’s face and pulled him in. Dejun's lips were soft against his, warm despite the cold of the night and it takes Kunhang only a moment before he opens his mouth. The feeling of Dejun's tongue against his teeth was so brilliant Kunhang felt dizzy with it all.

“You know,” Kunhang said once Dejun had pulled away from his to breathe, “I've been crushing on you for ages, right? Basically since the first time Sicheng brought you around. You can't imagine my mortification when you walked into the bathroom that night at the club. I was so embarrassed.”

“I wanted to kill that guy,” Dejun admitted, a tad too serious to be joking, and Kunhang laughed at the absurdity of it all. The memory of that night would always leave his stomach queasy, but it was easy to rid himself of the feeling when something good had come out of it.

“I’m glad you didn’t. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

Dejun smiled at him. “You really like me?”

“I want to ask you the same thing.” Kunhang laughed, feeling weightless with the happiness bubbling up in his chest. “But then, you should know. We’ve been boyfriends for some time now, haven’t we?”

Dejun grinned and then kissed him again, kissed him until Kunhang felt breathless and wobbly on his knees. He hadn’t thought it possibly to feel this happy.

“Do you want to go on a date some time?” Dejun asked as he took another step closer, pressing them chest to chest. It was just close enough for Kunhang’s liking. “Like, a real one. No pretending involved.”

“Yeah,” Kunhang said and intertwined their hands. “Yeah, I’d love that.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this story, please leave me a kudos or comment to tell me what you think!  
  
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